Sunday, 4 October 2015

Stuff I'm Doing

Look at me, posting more than once a quarter. How serious about being a writer am I?!

So, here's what's been going on:

1. Worm Short Story Series

The Demon Attorney

Worm has set up a small law practice in a shack. His normal clientele are the local scum and his fees are paid by the city's Legal Aid Trust. However, an extremely high-brow client comes through his door and Worm finds himself dusting off his private-rate cost list.

I've emailed this first part to a few magazines, but can't remember which ones... bugger.

The second part sees Worm's posh client interviewed by a pair of, less than competent, but intimidating all the same, detectives. The pressure causes the client to do something he will live to regret.

The third part is a work in progress, and will probably be the bulk of the story.

2. Standalone Worm Short Story

A wizard professor from the University of Magical Studies studying a primitive civilisation finds himself in trouble with the University's disciplinary tribunal after using his magical abilities to trick the civilization into believing that he is a God, and letting them treat him as such. His union pays for a lawyer to guide him through the tribunal process. Guess who he gets...

3. Sci Fi Short Story

A change of scenery entirely. The Hercules is an ark-type spacecraft leaving Earth with the best and brightest of humanity. The only problem is not a single one of them knows how to cook a meal  on a stove or operate an iron. Thousands of support staff are required, and one of them is a small-time criminal lawyer, who finds it difficult to relate to the ultra-intelligent scientists who feel that the spaceship is rightfully theirs.


Thursday, 24 September 2015

Is All Traditional Publishing Vanity Publishing?

The above question occurred to me in the context of examining the pros and cons of the main publishing options for Worm: Demon Attorney at Law. Ruling out actual 'vanity' publishing (because I have no money), the two main options are self publish right now, or take the longer route of traditional publishing and all that brings.

So which should I choose and why? It really boils down to what I want from my choice of publisher, and by extension my 'career' as a writer.

Money: neither option provides much of that at first, so it's not really a consideration.

Support: as a new writer, there probably won't be much in the way of support for advertisement and editing services. There are still some perks to having a trad publisher in terms of producing a run of physical books, and y'know, publishing them. Chalk up one for tradition.

Formats: with ebook and print on demand services, a self-publisher can have the same product available online as a traditionally published writer. It's a draw.

Timing: I can self-publish right now if I want to. Right this second. For a traditional deal I estimate that it might be up to two years before I could even hope to have a book out (if it happens at all with this work). That's a definite point in favour of self-publishing.

Contractual obligations: with self-publishing I don't have to answer to anyone (apart from the blogdog - see below). With a traditional deal there's bullshit like deadlines and responsibilities to blog, tweet, and Facebook about my damn book. Maybe I feel like blogging, maybe I don't. I don't want to be forced into taking my focus away from writing when I barely have enough time for that anyway. 2 points in the self-publishing corner.

So far I've got to say it's a very tough fight to call. In practical terms, a self-publisher can have everything a traditionally published author can have. And, since 50 Shades of Grey, there is precedent for a self-published author to become a massive success - although let's be clear, the success of that book was all in the shock value as opposed to artistic merit. I could go on, but 'shock value' as a marketing technique is beyond the scope of this post. Let's get back to the comparison of traditional publishing versus selfing it.

Vanity: now we're getting somewhere. I have self-published 9 works of various lengths, but I have a real difficulty calling myself a 'writer'. Maybe it's just me, but unless I have a traditional publishing deal, or something published in a magazine, I don't think I'm a real writer.

Should that matter? No. Does it though? Kinda.

Maybe it's this whole new self-publishing phenomenon which has made 'writer' a meaningless title. Previously one had no option but to grovel to the big publishing houses to attain the status of writer. Now, any idiot with an internet connection can throw some words onto a page, click publish, and call themselves a writer (and occasionally: become a massive success (see the erotica section of the Kindle bookstore)).

So what? If I'm happy with my work, I've put in the effort, and I'm putting out a professional product, should it matter that others don't? No. Does it though? Kinda.

And as I alluded to earlier, although I can have a physical product printed up, I can't hang around for hours in a bookstore next to my book, leaving a copy open to the 'picture of the author' page.

"Did I write this? Why yes, yes I did."

Without the negotiation clout of a publishing house, a selfer will probably never see their book in a book-store.

So, to sum up: before taking vanity into consideration, there's no clear winner in the war of tradition versus newfangled self-publishing. However, the latter comes without the coveted gloating rights of having been approved by someone 'in the biz', invested in, and put into print. And when there appears to be so little money to be made from this career/ calling/ hobby, maybe that's all we can get from it...

Hmm, that was a bit more melancholy than I had intended. I'm going to go play with the blogdog to cheer myself up.

S.J.

Tuesday, 22 September 2015

The Blogdog


Dumped (Flash Fiction - minor Werechicken spoilers!)

The pair of golems guarding the door to the bank vault were momentarily, but totally, distracted by the presence of a small white chicken walking towards them across the darkened and empty banking hall. Both leaned forward to peer into the midnight blackness of the building. On closer inspection, it was indeed a chicken. From out of the darkness at either side of the giant stone creatures came two figures dressed completely in black. They snatched the keys from around the golems' necks and ran swiftly down a corridor leading into the maze of bank offices and mini-vaults deep within the building. The golems gave chase, very slowly. Their heavy footsteps left tiny cracks in the highly polished marble of the floor. The chicken could hear his black clothed colleagues goading the golems to follow them, punctuated by the slamming of the golems' feet against the floor.
  When the golems were out of sight, the chicken, without any prior warning, turned into a tall, young, skinny man with an unkempt beard and darkened eyes. His face was severe and he wore the same black clothes as the pair being chased by the golems. At the entrance to the corridor down which the men and golems had disappeared there was a large potted plant. The werechicken removed from the dirt the keys which had been stolen from the golems' necks, and expertly secreted by the journeymen thieves before they had disappeared down the corridor. 
  The werechicken inserted the keys into the lock, and the giant vault door swung open. He marched past gold bars and coins neatly stacked in piles as high as his chest. He paid no mind to display case after display case of shimmering diamonds, rubies and emeralds. Enchanted objects hovering inches above their shelves were of no interest to him. HIs gaze was fixed on one thing and one thing only. He approached the ivory pedestal, lifted the protective dome from atop it and discarded it carelessly to the side. The glass eye which sat on the pedestal looked around nervously. I bet you've seen some things, I wouldn't be standing here otherwise, he thought.
  "Frank!" Came a voice from behind him. The werechicken turned to find his black-clothed companions standing at the entrance to the vault. "You've found it. Good, now let's get some of this gold out of here before the golems get back."
  “No,” ordered Frank. He pocketed the glass eye and, on his way out of the vault, grabbed his companions and threw them stumbling out into the banking hall. “Our job here is done, let’s go.”
  "For gods' sakes Frank, lets get our bonus while we're here!"
  The bearded man flung the vault door shut, removed the keys, and tossed them into the darkness. He silently walked past his companions, and through the banking hall towards the air vent they'd entered through.
  "What in the fourteen known hells is his problem?"
  "His lady dumped him. Apparently she was an attractive one. Rich too. Very rich.”
The other nodded knowingly. “Once he’s gotten over it we should ask him if he still has a key to her place. Come on, let’s get out of here.”

Monday, 21 September 2015

Back in the Game

Alright god dammit, I'm once again back to blogging and back to this idea of being a serious writer.

For any of you (mum) who have been paying close enough attention to my blog to notice that bugger all has been happening here in the past 5 months, let me fill you in.

I've written a new novel with the catchy as fuck title "Worm: Demon Attorney at Law". Two existing Worm stories are available over here >>> and one of them is even free! I'm not gonna tell you which one though, and if you happen to click on the wrong one you still have to buy it (rules are rules, although it does seem kinda obvious from the captions...)

I've also been writing more short stories. The short storying is a means to an end. I'm trying to make myself more marketable. That doesn't mean I'm going completely teenage vampire on y'all, it just means that I'll be focusing on doing some short stories for a while as a way of creating some interest in myself and my writing. Some will be free, some will be submitted to magazines, and some might be paid.

So how long will I be doing that for? God knows. I reckon Worm: Demon Attorney at Law is pretty good and I want to give it the best chance of success. I've done all the writing and revising, and I'm saving my pennies to employ a professional editor to make sure the work is as polished as it can be. However, we all know that aint enough. Like millions of young job seekers entering the market and finding out that they can't get a job because they don't have experience, but can't get experience because they don't have a job, unpublished writers like me can't get a publishing deal because I haven't yet been published. 

Sucks, huh?

The traditional way around this problem for writers is to write short fiction, and use that as a platform from which to launch a novel. It's not the only way to do it, but it seems to be the most efficient way. After all, an agent or publisher is more likely to snap up Worm: Demon Attorney at Law, if they laughed their ass off reading a Worm short story in a well respected magazine.

In other, quite frankly earth-shattering, news: I've delved into the world of science fiction. Dammit fantasy fans, put down your Glamdring replicas! I'm still a fantasy man, but sci-fi has always been a love of mine. 

I will probably regret saying this, but I reckon that most of my work for the forseeable future is going to have a legal slant to it. It's what I do for a living, and I have thousands of stories that can be adapted into my fiction writing. That doesn't mean I'll be doing any John Grisham style thrillers anytime soon though. Whether it's sci-fi, fantasy (or god forbid, plain Jane fiction) my stories will always be filled with humour. Ever since I read Hitchhiker's Guide as a young man (finishing all five books in a week) I've loved comedy writing, and that's all I've ever wanted to write.

As always, if anyone has any nice comments to leave, there's plenty space below.

Toodles,

Steve

Tuesday, 14 April 2015

Blogging Consistently is Hard

Big shout out to my Russian fans. The page-views data shows that y'all are my main audience. Glad to know that my unique brand of humorous fantasy stories are particularly Russian-friendly.

Anyway.

I thought I better write something here because although I haven't done any posts since October last year I still got about 100 page views last month, so I gotta keep this old blog fresh. Here's some random thoughts about how difficult it is to keep a blog updated:

1. It's Not Fiction

I write fiction because I love to write fiction. I write this blog because apparently you are not a serious writer if you don't have one. Never mind the 3 and 1/2 novels I've written (one published, one in the pipeline, one that will never see the light of day ever, one still being written, and one ring to rule them all), noooooo, those don't count for shit. Unless you have a blog and a mailing list (I'm still getting around to that second one) then you're not a serious writer. So here I am. Being all serious.

2. I've Got Stuff to Do

As well as being a penniless fiction writer, I'm also a very bloody busy lawyer. As well as all the other stuff I have going on in my life I haven't even got the time to do as much novel writing as I want, never mind writing posts on this blog.

3. I Don't Have That Much to Say

There's a kinda unspoken thing that goes on in the world of online writing blogs and websites. When you're a new writer you do internet searches for things like 'how to be a writer', 'how to write a novel', and 'how to make millions writing fiction'.

Do you know what you find? Thousands upon thousands of websites telling you (allegedly) how to do these things. More specifically: thousands upon thousands of websites telling you the exact same thing. Even more specifically: thousands upon thousands of websites telling you the exact same thing, written by writers you've NEVER FUCKING HEARD OF.

I alluded to this a few posts back with my 'top ten tips for writers' post, which was meant entirely as a joke. However, there are plenty of writers out there, who apparently do have books - I've never bought one from one of these sites so I can't verify if they're real or how good they are - and are peddling all sorts of advice from their websites. What I can confirm is that I have never clicked on a website titled 'become a millionaire writing fiction to make menopausal women horny' and found that the site's proprietor is J.K. Rowling, or Iain M Banks, or the late Sir Terry Pratchett. These writers are successful writers, so they spend their time and make their money writing novels that sell like crack in the ghetto. Is it therefore safe to assume that the 'writers' who have the kind of time to successfully curate a clickbait website are NOT successful writers? That they don't make any money from their books so they need a website?

I'm not saying that some writers out there don't have fantastic websites full of insight, JA Konrath springs to mind, especially when it comes to self-publishing, but the majority are drivel. And they're repetitious drivel.

Do yourself a favour and go buy On Writing by Stephen King. He might not be the best writer in the world, but he's one of the most famous, and his books sell shitloads. HE is someone qualified to give advice. Not these internet randoms.

(Note: I can take the above pot-shot at my fellow writers because although I'm not in any danger of being on any best-seller lists, I'm not lying that I'm a successful writer, nor am I claiming to have any insight into the industry, whilst simultaneously copying and pasting the same advice available on a thousand other sites. So there.)

4. It's Not Easy

It's a lot of effort to write interesting and engaging blog posts when right now I'm a literary nobody. Apart from the aforementioned Russian readers, no-one knows this blog exists. This could be the best blog ever (it's definitely top 5) but what does that matter if no-one ever sees it. I'm sure once I have a massive cult of devoted followers it will be easier to blog because I know people will be reading it. One way of getting a following of course is to blog until I'm blue in the face, but then wouldn't I be a famous blogger as opposed to a famous writer of fantasy? As long as I'm a millionaire I don't really care.

Anyway, I best stop rambling and be off to bed now.

Ta ta,

Essjay.




Tuesday, 14 October 2014

U-Turns, U-Turns Everywhere!

I've recently (about five minutes ago) noticed that I've not been paying much attention of late to my 'to-do' list. With Winter almost upon us, I'm aware that I have less than six months now to complete my list, and that's not much time at all given the size of the list and the fact that I envisaged at least one of those items to be novel-length.
 
Is it time to abandon the list? Well, maybe. I was perhaps not in the best frame of mind when writing said list. I had it in my head at the time: I have a couple of good stories, maybe those could be expanded upon. 

Of course any story can be expanded upon, but should it be? 

For example: when I wrote Licking Walls in the Dark, I wasn't writing it thinking that it was going to be a series. I wrote it as a standalone story, and expected to leave it at that.
 
Then 'greedy-head' S.J. came along with his suggestion that it might be more commercially successful (which it's not right now) if Walls was part of a series. If it was: readers would have in mind that they could give it a try and if they liked it there was more to come. That was really my only motivation for saying that I would do another one. Now that I've had time to think about it I've decided that 'commercial success' is no basis for making decisions about art, so I'm sorry to say that it seems doubtful that there will be anymore Pon stories for at least the foreseeable future.
 
A new Finegold story on the other hand: maybe, just maybe that could be on the cards. However, it's not a priority right now, as I have another character who has piqued my interest: Worm. My latest novel, Worm: Demon Attorney at Law is sitting at 70k words with just over 10k (best guess) to go. That's my priority just now, to further the Worm line of stories, because he's a solid character, and I could write about him all day and night whether there's any chance of commercial success or not. And isn't that what writing is all about?
 
Lastly in the U-turns category: The Werechicken saga. Again, I'd had a notion to write sequels because commercial viability and all that. However, the planned sequel(s) - which was an epic fantasy of Lord of the Rings proportions - just don't seem to be working. I have written Frank's part of the story, which is about 90k words, and is a meandering journey through my world where he encounters elves, zombies, and a tribe of triclopses living on the back of a giant crab wandering through the desert. The idea was that Frank was being guided by an old witch who tricked/kidnapped him into another adventure. Their journey is based on a vague prophecy, and the plot of the story would be driven forward by the chapters of the story relating to the wizardess character, Thorn. 
 
The idea was that at the end of both storylines Thorn and Frank would realise that they both had the same goal, although their stories were completely separate, and they would help each other to defeat the big bad.
 
Unfortunately, Thorn's part of the story has not been much fun to write: without Frank , Thorn is actually pretty boring. Frank is the heart of the story, and no matter who I put him with he can stand on his own. It's his reactions to people and situations that make him a joy to write. Therefore I think that this might be the end for Thorn, and I think the story will be better for it. I reckon that Frank's story can be repurposed and the vague prophecy that he's following can relate to something else entirely (I have a few ideas, but that would be giving the game away). And what about Thorn? Well, my view is that continuing with the story that I intended to write could be a collossal disaster. Maybe the events - an all out war against the 'big bad' - still happen in my universe, but I have no plans to write about them anytime soon. Frank might hear some rumours, or pass through a town affected by them, but that's really it. He will run into Thorn every now and again, and he will see that she's no-longer the woman he fell in love with. She's become obsessed with an enemy that everyone thinks is dead, but at the same time has grown into a powerful wizardess, and a true leader. That greatness is what I wanted for her, but I don't think she can do that whilst being a part of Frank's life.
 
If anyone (mum) is thinking that my comedy story about a man whose 'superpower' is that he can turn into a chicken is making a leap into the 'tragedy' genre: fear not! I'll make it funny. I don't know how, but I will.
 
Yours,
 
Essjay.