The June Update

If anyone has been keeping track (apart from you, mum) it's been a few months since I last posted. The shame!

In my defence I have been super busy at work. We've had a lot of cases going to trial/proof, which is great news for my boss, who will be making a fortune, but for me it just means I have to work a lot longer hours.

This means that at the end of the day/week I have very little mental energy left for being a writer Steve. I'm not COMPLETELY unsatisfied with the current state of affairs. After all, as countless internet sources will tell us: our passion for writing is unlikely to ever be a profitable one. Therefore if I want be able to afford my vices in life (Jack Daniels, curries, and video games) then I'll need to have a good source of income anyway.

However, now that the crazy level of busy-ness is over, I've managed to return to writing and have an update on my to-do list.

The Vampire Horse and Technically a Dragon are coming along well. Frank's bit is done and Thorn's bit has come along nicely. It's at nearly 30k words, and I have a general direction in which to take it. Thereafter there's a few other bits to be written, and then comes the dreaded editing process. However, I imagine I will just outsource the editing to Holly Bohl, the fantastic editor who edited Bookworm for me.

Bookworm (the new Worm story). This is edited and is just waiting for me to pull the trigger on publishing, which I'm putting off for a while because effort. It's coming!

Brand Spanking New Worm Story! I've gone rogue and have begun a new story that doesn't appear on the to do list. This one tells the story of Worm getting his first job at a law firm after achieving his law degree. It's going well, and I'm drawing on a lot of what I've learned up to this point about characterisation etc. I think it might be a good one, and am holding out some hope that this might be one to try with the traditional publishing route. I can dream, can't I?

New Finegold story. I have a setting and a name: Plainsilver. I'm staying tight-lipped about it otherwise.

The Hammer: parts 1 and 2 are done, but part 3 is proving tricky. I dunno, I'll get back to you on that one.

The Head Vampire and Pon. I don't really have any idea how to take these forward. It might be that they'll just have to stay as one-offs.

So there is progress to be made here, which makes me happy. Hopefully there will be some more free time in my life for me to actually be able to put these plans into action. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

Yours,

Steve

Exciting new Werechicken covers!

I've been blessed with the help of two enormously talented Redditors who have created covers for the Werechicken.

First up is u/Crowqueen's incredibly detailed hand-drawn cover:

The second is by user Artemis_Aquarius, whose cover stars just the titular werechicken, and the wizardess, Thorn. These are represented by two well-fitting stock photos who have been lovingly dubbed 'sassy chicken' and 'snowy broad' (the original stock photo had her in a snowy field):

Both users came up with completely different cover ideas, but I think they're both fantastic.

That being said, I now have two amazing covers that I can't choose between (and Art and Crow are very selfishly refusing to fight to the death to decide the matter) so my plan is to use one for the Smashwords version, and the other for Amazon. That will happen ASAP.

I feel very fortunate to have been given the assistance of these two massively talented people :-)

Until next time,

Steve

On. Fire.

I've just finished the first draft of Bookworm, being the sequel to Worm - which you can have for free from down here \/

It ended up being a little different from what I had intended, but I like how it turned out. Worm is a very easy character to write.

It's going to be a bit of a rewriting process as I didn't really work out the other characters' traits until nearer the end, so I'll have to go back and give them personalities earlier in the book when they were essentially cardboard cutouts.

The total word count is 28k or so. A good novella length.

The story covers Worm's first week back at university, trying to reacquire his law degree. The legal business has changed since he was last a part of it. It has been overrun by vampires. Most, if not all, of the large law firms are run by vampires, and they like it that way. The vampires in the law class at Unity College like to run off any non-vampire competition within the first few days. What they didn't count on is that one of the non-vampires would be a demon. A demon who doesn't necessarily think that an all-vampire legal sector is such a great idea.

Worm also has to deal with the insignificant problem of having no money to his name. However, he has a plan: the university's catacombs are rumoured to hold a secret treasure trove of magical artefacts that could fetch a pretty penny, setting up Worm and his fellow treasure hunters for life. However, the catacombs are a dark and lonely place. Dangerous too. A good number of students who venture down there are never seen again…

It'll be available soon… ish.

Steve

Top Ten Tips for Writers

Since it seems that everybody and their grandmother is putting out a "top ten tips for writers" post to draw people into their blogs: I'm doing it too. I wouldn't want you people to think I was too good for pandering to the lowest common denominator (because I'm really not).  

Top Ten Tips for Writers 

1. Never actually publish anything.  

Nothing ruins your writer-mystique like publishing your works. If you can tell people I'm a writer, and give them a vague description of your WIP, I bet they'll be really impressed. However, if you go ahead and publish something, they might read it and find out you don't know what you're doing after all.  

2. Stock up on duct tape, and throwaway mobile phones (burners). 

You need to get reviews somehow, hostage taking is a very effective method. Oh, you'll need a van too. 

3. A comfy pair of slippers is essential to being a writer.  

'Nuff said.  

4. Ignore all criticism.  

Anyone who doesn't love your work just doesn't get you. Smite them! 

5. Write drunk, and edit drunk too.  

Because editing sucks, and you need something to help you get through it.  

6. Never EVER use the word 'said'.  

It's dull. There are so many better words to use, like spluttered, ejaculated, spilt. That kind of thing.  

7. Erotica is where the money is. 

They say write about what you're enthusiastic about. Who isn't enthusiastic about sex? Also, if you have some weird fetish, you can write about that and get a part of a niche market.  

8. You're not a serious writer unless you're spending your weekends in Starbucks with your MacBook. 

Again, 'Nuff said. 

9. There's no money in writing. 

After you have written your first book, get working on your 'How To' series about being a writer. Don't worry if no-one recognises your name, no-one knows who any of these how-to people are. 
 

10. If all else fails: rip someone off.  

I'm a lawyer and this is legal advice: plagiarism is bloody hard to prove in a court of law. Go for it.  

Yours, 

Steve Birdman, Attorney at Law

The above is intended for humorous purposes only, and number 10 is NOT legal advice in any shape or form, no matter what I said in it. I will not be held accountable for anything you bastards do as a result of reading this blog. Oh, and re number 2: kidnapping is a crime. Don't do that either. 

Updating the to-do list

I've now finished a draft each of parts 1 & 2 of The Hammer.

In case you haven't been following: I'm now a productive, serious writer. Yup, that's me.

The plan for The Hammer is to give series-writing a bash. I will release parts 1 & 2 shortly. Part 1 will be free, and part 2 will be $2.99. I will draw you in with part 1, and you will love it so much you will just have to know what happens next, and buy part 2. Then part 3 when it comes out as well.

What a dastardly plan! Ahahahaha!

Anyway, my writing brain is exhausted. I'm off for an early night.

Toodles,

S.J.

One Worm - Free to a Good Home

Please click below for your free copy of my demonic courtroom comedy Worm. The story was pasted onto the site a while back as an entry in Reddit's r/fantasywriters monthly writing challenge. I've now slapped a cover on it so you can carry it with you wherever you go :-) Enjoy!

Link to Worm at Smashwords

Day 2 of productive, serious writer Steve.

It's day 2 of the program, and I've done almost 2,000 words of writing today, just over 3,000 total. I've hit a minor narrative snag, but that's no problem, I'll think about it tonight and tomorrow at work so that I can just sit down and get on with writing tomorrow evening. Good times.

Exciting news! I sold a copy of Licking Walls in the Dark at Smashwords. The useful Dashboard tells me that that sale earned me $2.45. Exciting times :-D

Also, with regards to the new plan I've embarked on, I forgot one avenue for new series: my loveable demon lawyer, Worm. The first story in Worm's tale is on this blog, and was entered into the Reddit r/fantasywriters monthly challenge where it earned joint second place. Worm will always be free, but I had an idea for a second story in the series set some time after Worm is released from prison. He must go back to university to earn his law degree all over again. I imagine it will be like the show Community, but with a demon.

So, in short, it's day 2 and I've managed not to fuck it up. Good times. It's hump-day tomorrow, so we shall see what it brings.

Steve