U-Turns, U-Turns Everywhere!

I've recently (about five minutes ago) noticed that I've not been paying much attention of late to my 'to-do' list. With Winter almost upon us, I'm aware that I have less than six months now to complete my list, and that's not much time at all given the size of the list and the fact that I envisaged at least one of those items to be novel-length.
 
Is it time to abandon the list? Well, maybe. I was perhaps not in the best frame of mind when writing said list. I had it in my head at the time: I have a couple of good stories, maybe those could be expanded upon. 

Of course any story can be expanded upon, but should it be? 

For example: when I wrote Licking Walls in the Dark, I wasn't writing it thinking that it was going to be a series. I wrote it as a standalone story, and expected to leave it at that.
 
Then 'greedy-head' S.J. came along with his suggestion that it might be more commercially successful (which it's not right now) if Walls was part of a series. If it was: readers would have in mind that they could give it a try and if they liked it there was more to come. That was really my only motivation for saying that I would do another one. Now that I've had time to think about it I've decided that 'commercial success' is no basis for making decisions about art, so I'm sorry to say that it seems doubtful that there will be anymore Pon stories for at least the foreseeable future.
 
A new Finegold story on the other hand: maybe, just maybe that could be on the cards. However, it's not a priority right now, as I have another character who has piqued my interest: Worm. My latest novel, Worm: Demon Attorney at Law is sitting at 70k words with just over 10k (best guess) to go. That's my priority just now, to further the Worm line of stories, because he's a solid character, and I could write about him all day and night whether there's any chance of commercial success or not. And isn't that what writing is all about?
 
Lastly in the U-turns category: The Werechicken saga. Again, I'd had a notion to write sequels because commercial viability and all that. However, the planned sequel(s) - which was an epic fantasy of Lord of the Rings proportions - just don't seem to be working. I have written Frank's part of the story, which is about 90k words, and is a meandering journey through my world where he encounters elves, zombies, and a tribe of triclopses living on the back of a giant crab wandering through the desert. The idea was that Frank was being guided by an old witch who tricked/kidnapped him into another adventure. Their journey is based on a vague prophecy, and the plot of the story would be driven forward by the chapters of the story relating to the wizardess character, Thorn. 
 
The idea was that at the end of both storylines Thorn and Frank would realise that they both had the same goal, although their stories were completely separate, and they would help each other to defeat the big bad.
 
Unfortunately, Thorn's part of the story has not been much fun to write: without Frank , Thorn is actually pretty boring. Frank is the heart of the story, and no matter who I put him with he can stand on his own. It's his reactions to people and situations that make him a joy to write. Therefore I think that this might be the end for Thorn, and I think the story will be better for it. I reckon that Frank's story can be repurposed and the vague prophecy that he's following can relate to something else entirely (I have a few ideas, but that would be giving the game away). And what about Thorn? Well, my view is that continuing with the story that I intended to write could be a collossal disaster. Maybe the events - an all out war against the 'big bad' - still happen in my universe, but I have no plans to write about them anytime soon. Frank might hear some rumours, or pass through a town affected by them, but that's really it. He will run into Thorn every now and again, and he will see that she's no-longer the woman he fell in love with. She's become obsessed with an enemy that everyone thinks is dead, but at the same time has grown into a powerful wizardess, and a true leader. That greatness is what I wanted for her, but I don't think she can do that whilst being a part of Frank's life.
 
If anyone (mum) is thinking that my comedy story about a man whose 'superpower' is that he can turn into a chicken is making a leap into the 'tragedy' genre: fear not! I'll make it funny. I don't know how, but I will.
 
Yours,
 
Essjay.

When Worlds Collide

I had a bizarre thing happen to me recently in that my lives as a lawyer and a self-published writer collided a little bit. 

I was called on by a longstanding client to look over a contract. Nothing strange, although given the demographics of my client base I had expected it to be an employment contract or a tenancy agreement. I was pleasantly surprised, and insanely jealous, to find that what my client (who we'll call Adam) wanted me to look over was a publishing contract.

Publishing contracts are hardly my forte being what's lovingly referred to as a 'High Street Solicitor' here in the UK. I normally deal with the legal troubles that come with day to day life such as family law and criminal law issues. However, I felt pretty confident taking this on having done the required reading on publishing contracts for my own information so that if I was ever offered one I would be able to tell if I was being screwed or not. So I told Adam I would have a look (and free of charge since I knew he didn't have a penny to his name).

It all started out harmlessly enough. The usual contract elements about who parties are, what the contract is about, what book is being referred to. All that boring stuff which runs on for three pages without actually getting anywhere (as a lawyer I'm not saying it's not important, but as a writer my instinct is to get readers hooked up front and hide the boring bits somewhere in the middle).

Then, finally, we got to the crux of the matter: the advance. At first glance, I saw printed in words and figures "one thousand five hundred pounds (£1,500) Sterling". Better than a kick in the balls, I thought. However, once I looked at the context in which the words appeared: “the author shall pay to the publisher the sum of ONE THOUSAND FIVE HUNDRED (£1,500) STERLING within twenty one days of the date of signing this contract". 

Hang on a minute. That's the wrong way around entirely. Alarm bells rang, red flags went up, and my spidey sense tingled. This was something I had read about previously: despite this contract having the look and feel of a traditional publishing deal, it was really a deal from a vanity publishing house.

Now I'm not saying that in some circumstances, that's not okay. If you really want your book out there and want to pay fifteen hundred pounds for the pleasure, go for it. However, a traditional publishing deal it was not.

But wait, there's more!

In addition to asking Adam to pay such a price for publishing his book, there were some more strings attached. Adam would be required to give up his right to have the final say on the book's editing. And also: the contract was very clear that after taking Adam's money, the publisher had no obligation to actually publish his book. 

Now let's take those one-by-one: editorial control is something that new authors will have to be flexible on. If you want someone to sell your book, and you don't have the name Stephen King, your publisher is taking a gamble. They will want to make your book as sellable as possible. That might mean that your protagonist will have to change his name from M'Foto'qrt to Jim. Or it might mean a complete re-write of the story and removal of some of the 'edgier' parts. It all comes down to what you're comfortable with. Be very careful when signing a contract that you're not giving away more control than you're comfortable with. Be warned: it might mean walking away from that deal you always wanted.

Then there's the other small matter of the publisher making no guarantees that the work will be published. The basis of contract law is rights and corresponding obligations. If you are obliged to pay £1,500 to a company, the least you should expect in return is that you will be given a corresponding right under the contract to have your work published by the publisher. And not just that: a right to have it done in a reasonable timeframe!

My ultimate advice to Adam was to politely decline this deal, and to keep submitting to publishers and agents. 

So here endeth the contract law lesson. There are obviously hundreds of considerations to keep in mind when it comes to negotiating contracts, and these are just a few. My advice would be to lawyer up the minute you get a contract (if you don't already have an agent) these things take quite a bit of training to understand fully. Lawyers have their own language which might seem innocuous to the casual reader, but might actually have significant consequences should it have to be relied on in court at a later stage. 

Lawyery backside-covering bit: none of the above is legal advice. Consult your own lawyer before signing anything.

A stern nod and a firm, professional handshake,

S.J.

The June Update

If anyone has been keeping track (apart from you, mum) it's been a few months since I last posted. The shame!

In my defence I have been super busy at work. We've had a lot of cases going to trial/proof, which is great news for my boss, who will be making a fortune, but for me it just means I have to work a lot longer hours.

This means that at the end of the day/week I have very little mental energy left for being a writer Steve. I'm not COMPLETELY unsatisfied with the current state of affairs. After all, as countless internet sources will tell us: our passion for writing is unlikely to ever be a profitable one. Therefore if I want be able to afford my vices in life (Jack Daniels, curries, and video games) then I'll need to have a good source of income anyway.

However, now that the crazy level of busy-ness is over, I've managed to return to writing and have an update on my to-do list.

The Vampire Horse and Technically a Dragon are coming along well. Frank's bit is done and Thorn's bit has come along nicely. It's at nearly 30k words, and I have a general direction in which to take it. Thereafter there's a few other bits to be written, and then comes the dreaded editing process. However, I imagine I will just outsource the editing to Holly Bohl, the fantastic editor who edited Bookworm for me.

Bookworm (the new Worm story). This is edited and is just waiting for me to pull the trigger on publishing, which I'm putting off for a while because effort. It's coming!

Brand Spanking New Worm Story! I've gone rogue and have begun a new story that doesn't appear on the to do list. This one tells the story of Worm getting his first job at a law firm after achieving his law degree. It's going well, and I'm drawing on a lot of what I've learned up to this point about characterisation etc. I think it might be a good one, and am holding out some hope that this might be one to try with the traditional publishing route. I can dream, can't I?

New Finegold story. I have a setting and a name: Plainsilver. I'm staying tight-lipped about it otherwise.

The Hammer: parts 1 and 2 are done, but part 3 is proving tricky. I dunno, I'll get back to you on that one.

The Head Vampire and Pon. I don't really have any idea how to take these forward. It might be that they'll just have to stay as one-offs.

So there is progress to be made here, which makes me happy. Hopefully there will be some more free time in my life for me to actually be able to put these plans into action. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

Yours,

Steve

Exciting new Werechicken covers!

I've been blessed with the help of two enormously talented Redditors who have created covers for the Werechicken.

First up is u/Crowqueen's incredibly detailed hand-drawn cover:

The second is by user Artemis_Aquarius, whose cover stars just the titular werechicken, and the wizardess, Thorn. These are represented by two well-fitting stock photos who have been lovingly dubbed 'sassy chicken' and 'snowy broad' (the original stock photo had her in a snowy field):

Both users came up with completely different cover ideas, but I think they're both fantastic.

That being said, I now have two amazing covers that I can't choose between (and Art and Crow are very selfishly refusing to fight to the death to decide the matter) so my plan is to use one for the Smashwords version, and the other for Amazon. That will happen ASAP.

I feel very fortunate to have been given the assistance of these two massively talented people :-)

Until next time,

Steve

On. Fire.

I've just finished the first draft of Bookworm, being the sequel to Worm - which you can have for free from down here \/

It ended up being a little different from what I had intended, but I like how it turned out. Worm is a very easy character to write.

It's going to be a bit of a rewriting process as I didn't really work out the other characters' traits until nearer the end, so I'll have to go back and give them personalities earlier in the book when they were essentially cardboard cutouts.

The total word count is 28k or so. A good novella length.

The story covers Worm's first week back at university, trying to reacquire his law degree. The legal business has changed since he was last a part of it. It has been overrun by vampires. Most, if not all, of the large law firms are run by vampires, and they like it that way. The vampires in the law class at Unity College like to run off any non-vampire competition within the first few days. What they didn't count on is that one of the non-vampires would be a demon. A demon who doesn't necessarily think that an all-vampire legal sector is such a great idea.

Worm also has to deal with the insignificant problem of having no money to his name. However, he has a plan: the university's catacombs are rumoured to hold a secret treasure trove of magical artefacts that could fetch a pretty penny, setting up Worm and his fellow treasure hunters for life. However, the catacombs are a dark and lonely place. Dangerous too. A good number of students who venture down there are never seen again…

It'll be available soon… ish.

Steve

Top Ten Tips for Writers

Since it seems that everybody and their grandmother is putting out a "top ten tips for writers" post to draw people into their blogs: I'm doing it too. I wouldn't want you people to think I was too good for pandering to the lowest common denominator (because I'm really not).  

Top Ten Tips for Writers 

1. Never actually publish anything.  

Nothing ruins your writer-mystique like publishing your works. If you can tell people I'm a writer, and give them a vague description of your WIP, I bet they'll be really impressed. However, if you go ahead and publish something, they might read it and find out you don't know what you're doing after all.  

2. Stock up on duct tape, and throwaway mobile phones (burners). 

You need to get reviews somehow, hostage taking is a very effective method. Oh, you'll need a van too. 

3. A comfy pair of slippers is essential to being a writer.  

'Nuff said.  

4. Ignore all criticism.  

Anyone who doesn't love your work just doesn't get you. Smite them! 

5. Write drunk, and edit drunk too.  

Because editing sucks, and you need something to help you get through it.  

6. Never EVER use the word 'said'.  

It's dull. There are so many better words to use, like spluttered, ejaculated, spilt. That kind of thing.  

7. Erotica is where the money is. 

They say write about what you're enthusiastic about. Who isn't enthusiastic about sex? Also, if you have some weird fetish, you can write about that and get a part of a niche market.  

8. You're not a serious writer unless you're spending your weekends in Starbucks with your MacBook. 

Again, 'Nuff said. 

9. There's no money in writing. 

After you have written your first book, get working on your 'How To' series about being a writer. Don't worry if no-one recognises your name, no-one knows who any of these how-to people are. 
 

10. If all else fails: rip someone off.  

I'm a lawyer and this is legal advice: plagiarism is bloody hard to prove in a court of law. Go for it.  

Yours, 

Steve Birdman, Attorney at Law

The above is intended for humorous purposes only, and number 10 is NOT legal advice in any shape or form, no matter what I said in it. I will not be held accountable for anything you bastards do as a result of reading this blog. Oh, and re number 2: kidnapping is a crime. Don't do that either. 

Updating the to-do list

I've now finished a draft each of parts 1 & 2 of The Hammer.

In case you haven't been following: I'm now a productive, serious writer. Yup, that's me.

The plan for The Hammer is to give series-writing a bash. I will release parts 1 & 2 shortly. Part 1 will be free, and part 2 will be $2.99. I will draw you in with part 1, and you will love it so much you will just have to know what happens next, and buy part 2. Then part 3 when it comes out as well.

What a dastardly plan! Ahahahaha!

Anyway, my writing brain is exhausted. I'm off for an early night.

Toodles,

S.J.