Sunday, 3 April 2016
New Short Story
I've entered the exciting world of science fiction writing. Intergalactic Law is a short story about a lawyer on a space ark taking the best and the brightest of the human race from the ruins of Earth to Earth 2.0 somewhere among the stars.
Wednesday, 16 March 2016
Happiness is...
This post might be a bit existential and philosophical for some. If that sounds like something you'd hate (sure sounds like something I'd hate, but here I am), here is a nifty escape route. On you go, no-one would blame you...
For those who have stuck around, good for you, let's have a heart to heart.
This is a post about happiness, and what makes a person happy. Me specifically, because I'm not really bothered about whether anyone else is happy to be honest...
I write because it makes me happy. It's relaxing, fun, and it lets me get some stuff out of my brain that really shouldn't stay in there for too long.
Writing isn't a walk in the park. It's a challenge to sit one's arse down evening after evening and craft a novel. And then there's editing. I edit because I have to. Editing doesn't make me happy. But it's all part of the process to creating a piece of work.
So what else? The following list is not exhaustive, and I intend to expand on some of the points in separate blog posts.
Family. I have my awesome fiancee, who makes me happy every day, and in six weeks we will be married. We don't have any children, but we do have a fur baby, Dot, our 2 year old pug.
Climbing. I have a passion for climbing stuff. Much like writing, it's not easy, but topping a difficult route produces such a great sense of achievement.
Video games. Aside from writing and climbing this is the main thing I do to de-stress. Getting lost in the world of Fallout or The Witcher makes all of life's problems disappear for a little while.
Movies, TV, and books. Much like video games, other media also allows me to get lost in another world for a sense of contentment.
Money. Being a lawyer, y'all might understand that I have a certain fondness, bordering on a fetish, for money. Some say it's the route of all evil (not really something that bothers me), but having money allows people to have and do all sorts of things that broke folks just can't get. There is also the financial security element. Being in too much debt makes me nervous, which is counterproductive to being happy.
My job makes me happy from time to time. Whenever I am able to do something well, win or lose, I'm definitely filled with a sense of achievement, which is an undeniably good feeling.
Let's pause at this point for a moment: money essentially buys all of the things that make me happy (apart from my future-wife, but life is much less stressful when we aren't struggling to pay our bills, so it definitely enhances our home life). However, what do I do for money: work. Work can be enjoyable, but can also be stressful. Not every case goes my way. Some clients are massive pains in the arse. I have periods when I feel like I'm in a hole and don't even know how to begin getting myself out. So while work can be a source of happiness, it can also be a source of stress. In fact, it is probably the biggest source of stress in my life and the lives of everyone with a job.
So what's the point of this post? Being happy in life is important to me and everyone else. It would make sense to eliminate sources of unhappiness. But my main source of unhappiness is my job, which is the source of my money, which facilitates my happiness.
Well isn't that just fucking brilliant...
I'm nothing if not practical, so let's try to find a solution to this problem. I highly doubt there is such a thing as a job that doesn't have its downsides. Even if I did have a job which was less stressful, and required shorter hours, it would likely pay less, and less money = less capacity to do things that make me happy.
I could find some sources of happiness that require less money. Indeed there is a whole frugality movement online, led by this majestically moustached gentleman, but screw him and his hippie ways. I haven't been in a Starbucks in years since I started reading his blog, but I like the small comforts that remain too much to just give them up.
I think it would be fair to summarise my problem thusly: my job is stressful, but I need money.
Perhaps you're anticipating the conclusion to this article to be that I should pack in my job to become a full time writer and earn a living from that, but you would be wrong. Being dependent on my hobby for my income would ruin it, and would make it just as great a source of stress, if not greater, than my current job. So that's out.
My current working plan to develop some systems of investment that produce enough wealth that I no-longer have to work have a timescale of 20+ years. While that's a painfully long timescale, unfortunately it's all I've really got. 20 years of reasonable happiness, peppered with the dreadful misery of work, is a lot of goddamn years. I don't think I have any millionaire relatives at death's door, and I don't play the lottery, so it looks like the 20 year plan is where it's at.
Fuck that.
Here begins my epic blog journey of trying to achieve fabulous wealth, and with it fabulous happiness, combined with fabulously low levels of work. How am I going to achieve it? Not a clue.
Kind regards,
Steve
For those who have stuck around, good for you, let's have a heart to heart.
This is a post about happiness, and what makes a person happy. Me specifically, because I'm not really bothered about whether anyone else is happy to be honest...
I write because it makes me happy. It's relaxing, fun, and it lets me get some stuff out of my brain that really shouldn't stay in there for too long.
Writing isn't a walk in the park. It's a challenge to sit one's arse down evening after evening and craft a novel. And then there's editing. I edit because I have to. Editing doesn't make me happy. But it's all part of the process to creating a piece of work.
So what else? The following list is not exhaustive, and I intend to expand on some of the points in separate blog posts.
Family. I have my awesome fiancee, who makes me happy every day, and in six weeks we will be married. We don't have any children, but we do have a fur baby, Dot, our 2 year old pug.
Climbing. I have a passion for climbing stuff. Much like writing, it's not easy, but topping a difficult route produces such a great sense of achievement.
Video games. Aside from writing and climbing this is the main thing I do to de-stress. Getting lost in the world of Fallout or The Witcher makes all of life's problems disappear for a little while.
Movies, TV, and books. Much like video games, other media also allows me to get lost in another world for a sense of contentment.
Money. Being a lawyer, y'all might understand that I have a certain fondness, bordering on a fetish, for money. Some say it's the route of all evil (not really something that bothers me), but having money allows people to have and do all sorts of things that broke folks just can't get. There is also the financial security element. Being in too much debt makes me nervous, which is counterproductive to being happy.
My job makes me happy from time to time. Whenever I am able to do something well, win or lose, I'm definitely filled with a sense of achievement, which is an undeniably good feeling.
Let's pause at this point for a moment: money essentially buys all of the things that make me happy (apart from my future-wife, but life is much less stressful when we aren't struggling to pay our bills, so it definitely enhances our home life). However, what do I do for money: work. Work can be enjoyable, but can also be stressful. Not every case goes my way. Some clients are massive pains in the arse. I have periods when I feel like I'm in a hole and don't even know how to begin getting myself out. So while work can be a source of happiness, it can also be a source of stress. In fact, it is probably the biggest source of stress in my life and the lives of everyone with a job.
So what's the point of this post? Being happy in life is important to me and everyone else. It would make sense to eliminate sources of unhappiness. But my main source of unhappiness is my job, which is the source of my money, which facilitates my happiness.
Well isn't that just fucking brilliant...
I'm nothing if not practical, so let's try to find a solution to this problem. I highly doubt there is such a thing as a job that doesn't have its downsides. Even if I did have a job which was less stressful, and required shorter hours, it would likely pay less, and less money = less capacity to do things that make me happy.
I could find some sources of happiness that require less money. Indeed there is a whole frugality movement online, led by this majestically moustached gentleman, but screw him and his hippie ways. I haven't been in a Starbucks in years since I started reading his blog, but I like the small comforts that remain too much to just give them up.
I think it would be fair to summarise my problem thusly: my job is stressful, but I need money.
Perhaps you're anticipating the conclusion to this article to be that I should pack in my job to become a full time writer and earn a living from that, but you would be wrong. Being dependent on my hobby for my income would ruin it, and would make it just as great a source of stress, if not greater, than my current job. So that's out.
My current working plan to develop some systems of investment that produce enough wealth that I no-longer have to work have a timescale of 20+ years. While that's a painfully long timescale, unfortunately it's all I've really got. 20 years of reasonable happiness, peppered with the dreadful misery of work, is a lot of goddamn years. I don't think I have any millionaire relatives at death's door, and I don't play the lottery, so it looks like the 20 year plan is where it's at.
Fuck that.
Here begins my epic blog journey of trying to achieve fabulous wealth, and with it fabulous happiness, combined with fabulously low levels of work. How am I going to achieve it? Not a clue.
Kind regards,
Steve
Thursday, 14 January 2016
New Year's Resolution: Publish!
Following on from some thoughts I blogged about last year (or maybe I didn't, I can't remember, I'm busy dammit!) I'm going to make a real stab at publishing Worm: Demon Attorney at Law in 2016.
The Road So Far... (mood music)
You'll see from my sidebar that I've self-published a novel, a smattering of novellas, and a handful of short stories. I'm proud of all of them, if only because the earlier ones let me see how far I've come.
But what about the stuff you don't see?
Well, there's some MUCH earlier stuff, from way before The Werechicken was even half a thought in my head. This will never see the light of day, and I can't believe I haven't burned it already. Moving swiftly on.
After The Werechicken was written, I decided to improve my writing chops with the short stories and novellas. Most I felt good enough to put my name to them and make them buyable/downloadable.
Others (that don't appear on the bar to the right) were ok, but I felt they didn't quite work. I might have started them, but they just didn't hold my attention. Most were short stories that started off as good ideas, but a single good idea can't make a full story.
One that I'm struggling with just now is the follow-up to Worm: Demon Attorney at Law, which is provisionally titled Worm and the Case of Agatha Wilson versus Death. I feel like it is founded on a good idea: some rich old bat doesn't fancy the idea of death, so hires our loveable demonic lawyer to take out and enforce a magical restraining order against Death himself. Solid idea, but turning that funny little idea into a full story isn't always easy.
It does work sometimes. The Werechicken started out as a superhero origin story along the lines of: what if a young man discovered that he had a super power, but that power was crap?
Since we're on the subject: there is a sequel to The Werechicken written on my computer, but will take some serious re-working before I can put it out there. I had a grand vision for The Werechicken's saga, but perhaps it was too grand. I think that the charm of The Werechicken came from putting the titular character into situations where I could torture him and we could all have a good laugh. So why I thought that it would work as epic fantasy I will never know.
Now...
Worm: Demon Attorney at Law isn't just the 90k words or so that make it up. It's the product of almost 4 years of writing practice, research, and maturing as a writer. I might have felt like I was ready 2 years ago to have something traditionally published, but looking back I don't think my work was quite good enough. I feel like I'm at that stage now though.
I have my 3 chapters polished to perfection, my synopsis, my covering letter, and also a CV of my previous works. I've made a spreadsheet based on the agents I think are the best fit for me from the Writers and Artists Yearbook, and columns for me to update once I've submitted and heard back. So all that is left is to pull the trigger.
Hold my beer, I'm going in!
Steve
The Road So Far... (mood music)
You'll see from my sidebar that I've self-published a novel, a smattering of novellas, and a handful of short stories. I'm proud of all of them, if only because the earlier ones let me see how far I've come.
But what about the stuff you don't see?
Well, there's some MUCH earlier stuff, from way before The Werechicken was even half a thought in my head. This will never see the light of day, and I can't believe I haven't burned it already. Moving swiftly on.
After The Werechicken was written, I decided to improve my writing chops with the short stories and novellas. Most I felt good enough to put my name to them and make them buyable/downloadable.
Others (that don't appear on the bar to the right) were ok, but I felt they didn't quite work. I might have started them, but they just didn't hold my attention. Most were short stories that started off as good ideas, but a single good idea can't make a full story.
One that I'm struggling with just now is the follow-up to Worm: Demon Attorney at Law, which is provisionally titled Worm and the Case of Agatha Wilson versus Death. I feel like it is founded on a good idea: some rich old bat doesn't fancy the idea of death, so hires our loveable demonic lawyer to take out and enforce a magical restraining order against Death himself. Solid idea, but turning that funny little idea into a full story isn't always easy.
It does work sometimes. The Werechicken started out as a superhero origin story along the lines of: what if a young man discovered that he had a super power, but that power was crap?
Since we're on the subject: there is a sequel to The Werechicken written on my computer, but will take some serious re-working before I can put it out there. I had a grand vision for The Werechicken's saga, but perhaps it was too grand. I think that the charm of The Werechicken came from putting the titular character into situations where I could torture him and we could all have a good laugh. So why I thought that it would work as epic fantasy I will never know.
Now...
Worm: Demon Attorney at Law isn't just the 90k words or so that make it up. It's the product of almost 4 years of writing practice, research, and maturing as a writer. I might have felt like I was ready 2 years ago to have something traditionally published, but looking back I don't think my work was quite good enough. I feel like I'm at that stage now though.
I have my 3 chapters polished to perfection, my synopsis, my covering letter, and also a CV of my previous works. I've made a spreadsheet based on the agents I think are the best fit for me from the Writers and Artists Yearbook, and columns for me to update once I've submitted and heard back. So all that is left is to pull the trigger.
Hold my beer, I'm going in!
Steve
Saturday, 21 November 2015
Open Letter to Ardon Legal Community 2
Dear Lawyers,
I've been having a bit of difficulty with several of the judges in Ardon Municipal Court and wonder if anyone can assist me.
The judges, who shall remain unnamed, are possibly the most obstinate, foul tempered group of old arses that I have had the misfortune to meet in all 200 years of my demonic life- and keep in mind that I've been summoned before the Archdemons themselves (long story).
It seems that these judges are incapable of allowing me to finish a sentence without interjecting with their own opinion about what the law should be; how they think the rules about questioning witnesses should be followed; or why I am not observing correct court etiquette. Bearing in mind that I've been out of the legal game for a while now, I don't ever recall judges being so bloody pernickety about these matters. When I last practised law, the common procedure was to let the lawyers have turns applying the thumbscrews and hot pokers for as long as was necessary. Yes, I know there are more rules to courts now, and some consider the methods I'm used to as 'outdated', but I think there's something to be said for just letting us lawyers get on with our jobs.
Anyway, now that I've gotten that off my chest, I'm holding a coffee morning at my office on Monday of next week with a view to starting a committee to replace the 'witness stand' - which has become commonplace in most courts - with the more traditional torture-rack or iron-maiden, which in my view are court traditions that were cast aside too easily. In my opinion, back when these were the norm, judges could be much more assured that witness testimony was accurate.
I hope to meet some like-minded people at the coffee morning. Although for the sake of clarity, this is a coffee morning, so no vampires.
Yours,
Worm
Principal Lawyer
Ardon Legal Clinic
I've been having a bit of difficulty with several of the judges in Ardon Municipal Court and wonder if anyone can assist me.
The judges, who shall remain unnamed, are possibly the most obstinate, foul tempered group of old arses that I have had the misfortune to meet in all 200 years of my demonic life- and keep in mind that I've been summoned before the Archdemons themselves (long story).
It seems that these judges are incapable of allowing me to finish a sentence without interjecting with their own opinion about what the law should be; how they think the rules about questioning witnesses should be followed; or why I am not observing correct court etiquette. Bearing in mind that I've been out of the legal game for a while now, I don't ever recall judges being so bloody pernickety about these matters. When I last practised law, the common procedure was to let the lawyers have turns applying the thumbscrews and hot pokers for as long as was necessary. Yes, I know there are more rules to courts now, and some consider the methods I'm used to as 'outdated', but I think there's something to be said for just letting us lawyers get on with our jobs.
Anyway, now that I've gotten that off my chest, I'm holding a coffee morning at my office on Monday of next week with a view to starting a committee to replace the 'witness stand' - which has become commonplace in most courts - with the more traditional torture-rack or iron-maiden, which in my view are court traditions that were cast aside too easily. In my opinion, back when these were the norm, judges could be much more assured that witness testimony was accurate.
I hope to meet some like-minded people at the coffee morning. Although for the sake of clarity, this is a coffee morning, so no vampires.
Yours,
Worm
Principal Lawyer
Ardon Legal Clinic
Monday, 19 October 2015
An Open Letter to the Legal Community of Ardon
Dear Lawyers,
I know that not all of you will know me. I am a fairly new addition to the Ardon legal community. My name is Worm and I run the Ardon legal clinic - the office is next to the whore tent down by the river that I think some of you frequent.
There are a few things that I wish to say in this letter.
Firstly, some of you may have noticed, and others may not have, but I am a demon. Rest assured that I am not in the business of cheating anyone out of their soul, or taking it from them by force (not any more at least). I simply wish to be a productive citizen of Ardon, and an active member of the legal sphere.
Secondly, it has been a while since I was last in practice. Although I have gained a second, more up-to-date, law degree at the Law Societies insistence, I may from time to time fall into some old habits which are not in line with modern practice. I'm sure that word has gotten around of my minor gaffe in court last week when I asked Judge Sinclair for permission to flog a witness for not answering my questions as fully as I might have liked. Mea culpa.
Thidly, and finally, although I am enjoying my time at the Ardon Legal Clinic, I feel it might be time for a change of pace. I am seeking to enhance my skills by undertaking a legal apprenticeship. I feel I would be an asset to any firm. My negotiation skills are top notch, and I have... unique methods for ensuring that people stick to their word. If anyone is interested, send me a letter, or drop in for a social call.
Yours sincerely,
Worm
Tuesday, 6 October 2015
An Unwell Writer
I'm poorly. Not blaming anyone in particular, but the receptionist at my office had a cold last week, and it's a small office. God-dammit Demi...
Anyway, as much as I would normally relish having some extra time in the house to allow me to write, it's been difficult to adopt the correct mindset. Writing is a fun activity, but it's challenging and requires some brain power. Right now every time I try to use my brain it begins to overheat and I need to go for a nap.
My lawyering day-job is also non-compatible with having a cold. I was supposed to start quite a high-level trial today, but thankfully a witness didn't appear, the trial couldn't go ahead (woohoo!), and I got to 'work from home' in the afternoon.
This is a bit of a rambly post, which might be something to do with the painkillers, so I think I'll quit while I'm ahead.
Steve
EDIT: I haven't had time to update in a while, but just to let you know I survived and am feeling much better now.
Anyway, as much as I would normally relish having some extra time in the house to allow me to write, it's been difficult to adopt the correct mindset. Writing is a fun activity, but it's challenging and requires some brain power. Right now every time I try to use my brain it begins to overheat and I need to go for a nap.
 |
| My best friend right now. |
This is a bit of a rambly post, which might be something to do with the painkillers, so I think I'll quit while I'm ahead.
Steve
EDIT: I haven't had time to update in a while, but just to let you know I survived and am feeling much better now.
Sunday, 4 October 2015
Stuff I'm Doing
Look at me, posting more than once a quarter. How serious about being a writer am I?!
So, here's what's been going on:
1. Worm Short Story Series
The Demon Attorney
Worm has set up a small law practice in a shack. His normal clientele are the local scum and his fees are paid by the city's Legal Aid Trust. However, an extremely high-brow client comes through his door and Worm finds himself dusting off his private-rate cost list.
I've emailed this first part to a few magazines, but can't remember which ones... bugger.
The second part sees Worm's posh client interviewed by a pair of, less than competent, but intimidating all the same, detectives. The pressure causes the client to do something he will live to regret.
The third part is a work in progress, and will probably be the bulk of the story.
2. Standalone Worm Short Story
A wizard professor from the University of Magical Studies studying a primitive civilisation finds himself in trouble with the University's disciplinary tribunal after using his magical abilities to trick the civilization into believing that he is a God, and letting them treat him as such. His union pays for a lawyer to guide him through the tribunal process. Guess who he gets...
3. Sci Fi Short Story
A change of scenery entirely. The Hercules is an ark-type spacecraft leaving Earth with the best and brightest of humanity. The only problem is not a single one of them knows how to cook a meal on a stove or operate an iron. Thousands of support staff are required, and one of them is a small-time criminal lawyer, who finds it difficult to relate to the ultra-intelligent scientists who feel that the spaceship is rightfully theirs.
So, here's what's been going on:
1. Worm Short Story Series
The Demon Attorney
Worm has set up a small law practice in a shack. His normal clientele are the local scum and his fees are paid by the city's Legal Aid Trust. However, an extremely high-brow client comes through his door and Worm finds himself dusting off his private-rate cost list.
I've emailed this first part to a few magazines, but can't remember which ones... bugger.
The second part sees Worm's posh client interviewed by a pair of, less than competent, but intimidating all the same, detectives. The pressure causes the client to do something he will live to regret.
The third part is a work in progress, and will probably be the bulk of the story.
2. Standalone Worm Short Story
A wizard professor from the University of Magical Studies studying a primitive civilisation finds himself in trouble with the University's disciplinary tribunal after using his magical abilities to trick the civilization into believing that he is a God, and letting them treat him as such. His union pays for a lawyer to guide him through the tribunal process. Guess who he gets...
3. Sci Fi Short Story
A change of scenery entirely. The Hercules is an ark-type spacecraft leaving Earth with the best and brightest of humanity. The only problem is not a single one of them knows how to cook a meal on a stove or operate an iron. Thousands of support staff are required, and one of them is a small-time criminal lawyer, who finds it difficult to relate to the ultra-intelligent scientists who feel that the spaceship is rightfully theirs.
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